ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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