you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
