I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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