put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
