I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
