I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
