your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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