my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
