those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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