Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
