I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
