Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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