The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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