woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
