you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
