Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
