ya dads aren't the best wingmen
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
