Kiss
Puke
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
