Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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