My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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