you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
