You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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