I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
this hospital has no fireball
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
