community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
