i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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