i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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