pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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