Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
