I need to stop coming to work sober
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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