someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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