And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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