This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
