Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize