haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He shit in the fireplace
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
