Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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