oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
