I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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