Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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