ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
