I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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