She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
