I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
