that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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