Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
