Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
