You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
