i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
