Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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