Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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