I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
