btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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