So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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