But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
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The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
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Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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