woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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