I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
