Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
