Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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