he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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