Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
