Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
