i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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