You can't motorboat a personality
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
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