Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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