The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
