You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
