He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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