so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
