hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
