you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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