I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
