will power is for people who don't want to get laid
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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