Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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