24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
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