So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
