I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
