I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Boobs are out for the taking
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
